Does everyone have the capability to express empathy?
I get this question quite frequently. As some of my clients know people who are less understanding and more focused on themselves. This can happen in relationships, friendships, and even with strangers. Empathy is an interesting topic because it can be such a wonderful trait. I deal with a lot of patients who struggle with empathy such as the individuals on the autism spectrum. But it IS something that can be taught.
Human wellbeing is intertwined in our ability to do “good” and to create a meaningful life.
As our culture grows, we become more obsessed with how “we” are doing. A study from the University of Michigan showed that empathy has decreased in young adults. They researched studies about empathy. Students from 2009 versus 1979 have shown a decrease in empathy overall. Specifically, there was a 40% decrease. We are in a time when self-help book sales are at an all time high. The thought processes have changed as we are more introverted. But maybe we will learn more about ourselves by looking outside of our own lives. I will admit that there are times when I’m having a hard time seeing outside my world and I struggle expressing empathy after a long day. When I’m struggling, I revert to some of the tips I often use with clients who are also on the struggle bus.
Types of empathy. Yes, there are types.
First, it’s important to understand that there are different types of empathy. There is cognitive empathy which is understanding someones perspective and there is emotional empathy which is understanding someones emotions. I like to explain this because it often teaches people that there are multiple ways to empathize. You can understanding a feeling and you can understand a different perspective. These are two very different processes.
Interesting studies have been done in regards to empathy. There have been studies that have had kids “adopt a baby” for a year. The babies parents bring the baby to class every 3-4 weeks and the kids have to document ways they think the baby has developed and describe the emotions they express. When they label an emotion, they are asked “why do you think the baby is feeling that way?”. It helps kids develop emotional awareness.
I work at a hospital that has trainings on empathy for health care workers. It has been shown that trainings on empathy can increase patient satisfaction. Because who doesn’t want to be understood?
Here are 5 ways to cultivate empathy
These are tasks to use with any age. I use them in children to help them develop. But I also use it in clients who are older and feel isolated or stuck in their own world. They are great ways to create connections and to increase awareness.
Enemy Territory
Step into the shoes of a friend or even an “enemy”. Pull your own judgements out of the task. Try to see things from their perspective, understand their humanity, and try to recognize their individuality.
Stranger Curiosity
This is one of my favorite homework assignments to give to clients. Not only because it helps with empathy, but if started early enough, it can be useful in preventing social anxiety, and can help create a more outgoing personality.
Go up to a stranger and start a conversation. Not just “how’s the weather”, but talk about their opinions on religion, politics, or just every day beliefs. Talk to your teacher, neighbor, cashier, or anyone that you can reach. I recommend doing this at least weekly.
During this talk, practice radical listening. Just being open to whatever is being said. Focus on it and don’t try to interject. Don’t turn it around to talk about your experiences. Listen and help them feel understood.
Go on an Adventure
Instead of traveling somewhere you want to see, travel somewhere the culture is something you want to experience. Get an airbnb and immerse yourself in how the locals live. Observe, experience, and soak it in. Sometimes watching other cultures can be extremely eye opening. Try to leave your judgement at the door (or the plane). Ask honest and non-judgmental questions to show genuine interest.
Volunteering
Yes, volunteer somewhere that involves people. Helping people, listening to people, and just giving your time. During this time, listen. Ask questions about their experiences regarding the topics they bring up. Try to summarize what the person talks to you about. Sometimes the most powerful tool is helping people feel heard.
Read a Good Book
The Netherlands released research that showed that people who read books tend to be more empathetic. The more their minds wander the more they are able to understand people who are in different situations. This is called Narrative Transportation Theory. Reading can change peoples beliefs, feelings, and actions due to the reflection they saw from the fictional character. Imagination should be kept alive for as long as we live. Reading is a wonderful way to keep that alive.
What do you think have been some of your most eye opening experiences?
Talk soon,
Sarah
References
https://rootsofempathy.org/