Sexual Assault is NOT your fault. No matter how many questions and regrets you have. I work in an emergency setting and I can’t tell you how heart breaking it is to watch the victims question “Did I drink too much?”, “was this my fault?”, “I should’ve left earlier” etc.
Sexual assault isn’t just rape (penetration).
It’s attempted rape, unwanted fondling, touching, and forcing the victim to perform acts they didn’t want to. Perpetrators don’t always have to use physical force. They can use emotional coercion, psychological force, and manipulation to get the victim to perform sexual acts. RAINN estimates that 31% of rapes don’t get reported. Not even including assaults.
Everyone has the RIGHT to change their minds. You have the right to revoke based on how you’re feeling and you have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty. You have the right to not be forced to do something you’re not comfortable with.
The Repercussions can be BRUTAL.
But the repercussions are still difficult. People who are powerful know they have power over you and can take advantage. It can be so confusing to be in a situation where you know you can’t just walk away without percussions. These perpetrators know what they are doing, and they know who to prey on.
Getting away from Blaming the Victim
Look at what she was wearing?!?
She was asking for it?!?
How did she not know?!?
She sleeps with EVERYONE?!?
Just NO. Stop it, stop it before you even think it. There is such a subtle blame that most people don’t even realize they are doing. “Women (people) lie” is an argument I’ve heard before and people also commit assault so don’t forget that.
Here are common things a victim can feel guilty about.
The Assault Itself
Again, it’s NOT YOUR FAULT. I don’t care if you were walking down the street naked and drunk. You are not at fault. Perpetrators are at fault. Period. You should have the free will to do what you want.
Even dogs understand NO
Freezing and not being able to say “No”
Sometimes the shock can be so great it’s hard to come to terms with. This happens a lot in situations of people who have power and who manipulate and emotionally coerce you.
Not Fighting Back
This one is so shocking to me. When you’re experiencing something that is so confusing and shocking, it’s normal to freeze. It’s normal to not be able to think clearly and you shouldn’t have to get physically violent to protect yourself.
Feeling Aroused
Your mind and your body are connected but in times of stress your body can react without your mind being on board. The body has an amazing way of adapting to situations and lubrication can happen to protect yourself from scrapes, tears etc.
Again…
You have the right to feel safe and you have the right to have control over your body and what is happening to it. You are not weak because you’re struggling to move past, and your not weak because it happened. And remember, You are not alone.
If something happened and you’d like to get help please reach out to RAINN.
Their number is 800-656-4673.
